Episode #48: Welcome to You Are the Magic Pill, I'm your host Victoria, thank you so much for joining me, I'm excited to start a new season with you. Today I want to share something that I wrote a few months ago. I was going through a tough time, I was getting really depressed and I this just flowed out of me. It was the wildest thing, when I was writing what I'm about to read to you, I was typing it out on my phone and it was just coming down, one word at a time, super fast. And then it started to slow down, and I could see the word almost in my mind and then I would hear it, drop in like, the dog ran down the road, it dropped one word at a time and I was just seeing it happen while I was doing it. It was so cool, I have never done that before. But the message was something that I needed to hear, and perhaps you too. Listen in...
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0:03 Thanks for tuning in to You Are the Magic Pill.
0:06 If you are ready to realize that you are the magic pill, then come on a heroic journey with me to remember who you truly are to activate that power found within.
0:18 Hi and welcome back to You Are the Magic Pill.
0:23 I am sharing with you today.
0:26 Something that I actually wrote a while ago.
0:30 I wrote this, I think about three months ago.
0:33 I'm not for sure, but something like that, I was going through a really tough time again.
0:41 I was getting really depressed and I wrote this because it just flowed out of me.
0:48 It was the wildest thing when I was writing what I'm about to read to you.
0:52 It was like so hard to explain, but I was like, just writing it so fast and I was one thumbing it.
0:59 That's how I text with one thumb.
1:01 How do you text?
1:02 I text with one thumb.
1:04 My boyfriend thinks that's so strange, but I'm actually really fast.
1:08 I'm probably faster than some two thumb textures anyway, that's what I do.
1:13 I'm a one thumb and I was just going so fast writing it, typing it out on my phone, on my notes and it was just coming down like one word at a time super fast and then it started to slow down.
1:27 Then I just started to like, see the word almost in my mind and then I would write it out.
1:33 Not really see it, I guess, hear it, I would hear it and it would just like, drop in like, you know, the dog ran down the road, you know, it just like, dropped one word at a time and I was just like, seeing it happen while I was doing it.
1:50 And it was so cool.
1:51 I have ever done that before.
1:52 That's what I call a major download alert.
1:57 And it was awesome.
1:58 And I can't wait to do that again.
2:00 Kind of fell out of the zone after that.
2:02 It's been quite a while since I've been back on here.
2:05 And so I'm happy to be back with you, share my message and I hope that this helps you.
2:12 I often struggle with getting lost in my mind and sometimes not finding my way back for quite some time.
2:20 It feels like I don't know if you ever get like that, but it seems like I often do over the last, like my whole life anyway.
2:30 So here we go.
2:31 I'm just gonna read what I wrote.
2:33 You know, I like to do that.
2:34 So here it goes.
2:37 Do you ever get lost in your mind?
2:39 So lost that you are not sure you will find your way back.
2:44 I get so lost in my thoughts of, why am I here?
2:48 Why did I do nothing with my life?
2:50 Why can't I do something now?
2:53 Why do I feel so sad?
2:55 Why do I struggle every single day?
2:58 And why does my life not represent what's in my true heart's desire?
3:03 Why do I know what I need to do?
3:06 But yet I can't seem to do it.
3:08 Why can't I just f*cking do it?
3:11 I get mad that I'm not who I need to be or think I should be.
3:15 I get so upset when I think about the time I've wasted, when I compare my worth to the money I see in my reality then it's definitely of the same value.
3:25 I feel so unworthy.
3:27 But yet I know I'm not deep down.
3:30 I know I have value and worth, but I can't seem to hold on to that feeling for very long.
3:36 I spiral down to the depths of hell.
3:39 I know I'm in control but am I really f*ck?
3:43 I want to say enough is enough and I actually do.
3:47 But then here comes f*cking gloom and doom again.
3:51 When I think about myself as a child.
3:53 Then all I really remember is the bad sh*t.
3:56 The trauma that little girl was so full of anger.
4:00 I always felt like I didn't belong and I still feel this way and I don't get it this is making me sad to read this.
4:07 Now, honestly, I'm little teary eyed because, oh, yeah, I'm still working through some stuff here.
4:14 Is this a program that I can't override?
4:18 Is it something that I can't say enough is enough?
4:21 Do you ever feel this lost?
4:23 I'm not the only one many have this control over our minds sometimes.
4:28 I think who might be the controller of what pours into my mind and system.
4:33 I try to flood out the unwanted thoughts with the desired thoughts but seem to fail more often than not.
4:39 I'm like that crab trying to get out but I keep falling back down.
4:43 Oh Man, comparison is the death of me every single f*cking day.
4:48 And that is like so true.
4:51 Comparison is the total death of me.
4:55 I see others on social media living their best life and being so amazing and I'm just sitting here being nothing and I just think damn it, why do I let you kill me comparison?
5:08 Like why do I let you kill me?
5:11 That's the question of the f*cking day.
5:13 I seriously want you to stop.
5:15 It's not right for you to continually tell me sh*t things that you have to stop, stop torture and humanity.
5:22 You don't own us anymore.
5:25 I felt this way my entire life and I'm really just realizing it, it's like a roller coaster ride.
5:32 I'm up, then I'm down, then I'm up, then I'm down.
5:35 Do you ever feel this way?
5:37 I always ask myself, how do I make it stop?
5:41 How do I make that fucking voice in my head?
5:45 Shut up already.
5:47 How I'm drifting away slowly into the negative voice that haunts me day in and day out.
5:54 Please go away.
5:57 You do not serve me anymore.
5:59 I am the one who is in charge.
6:01 You are no longer welcome here.
6:03 So please go away, go away because you make me feel so terribly.
6:09 But you did do your job.
6:12 And for that, I thank you.
6:14 You allowed me to feel sorrow, sadness, depression, hopelessness, and all kinds of yucky sh*t.
6:20 Now, when the happy comes back to me, then I'll be so thankful to allow it in the funny thing is I'm so grateful for everything in my life, the good, the bad, the ugly, but it doesn't mean that the suffering has not been painful.
6:35 We all have some kind of suffering that is part of the program, part of being human or the mind is a powerful thing they say and they are right.
6:43 But the cool thing is each one of us is more powerful than the mind.
6:49 Our thoughts are not always our thoughts and you can become aware of your true thoughts.
6:55 When you do a body check, a body check is where you can determine how you are feeling.
7:00 Is your energy low or high.
7:03 My subconscious mind is constantly pouring in negative sh*it even though I truly don't want it like I don't want it to like I don't, I'm like, stop already.
7:14 I said, go away.
7:15 I think it's called like a generational curse.
7:18 It's my choice if I break the curse or not.
7:21 It's your choice too.
7:22 I often wonder if everyone had the feelings of hopelessness like I do sometimes when I first heard Jeremiah 29 11, a long time ago, my soul felt it.
7:33 That particular Bible verse made me tear up and cry.
7:36 I get why now for I know the plans I have for you plans to give you hope and a future when I can disconnect from what I was taught about myself, like when I meditate or go into nature or doing something that I love to do, I get connected to God, then all the hopelessness falls away.
8:00 It's in those times that I realize I am way more than I thought I am made in the image of God.
8:07 And with my own imagination, I can create the images that I really want to see in my reality.
8:14 It's through the visualization, meditation, whatever you wanna call it in my mind, when I'm in control, that allows the beauty within so that I can feel it too.
8:27 And then I connect those two and I can manifest that in my reality, I take my power back.
8:34 But sometimes I fall back into the negative thoughts that haunt me.
8:38 I go deep down again.
8:40 And I think how did I get here again when I know the truth?
8:45 It's because I need to be disciplined, know thyself, master thyself, become a disciple to myself, just like anything in life, whether it's working out, eating healthier or shifting your mindset.
8:57 It all takes discipline.
8:59 And that decision to become discipline is my choice and your choice.
9:03 All I have to do is so simple is just do the steps meditate, find the things that I love to do, go in that direction, feel the feeling and stay in that high vibe and believe in myself.
9:18 You know, I have an episode called, follow my list that you should check out.
9:22 It's really good.
9:23 I'm gonna go enhance it a little bit, but it's actually really good.
9:26 It was a download that I had another download.
9:29 So let me get back on track here.
9:31 So the question of the day is how, how do I make myself choose discipline?
9:35 Do I allow the pain and suffering to dictate my life and my reality by spiraling down further and further into the depths of hell?
9:43 Or do I remember that it's all part of the game that I'm playing?
9:47 We weren't given the rules of the game of life.
9:49 But guess what?
9:50 There are rules to this game?
9:53 You have had them with you your whole life just like I have, I just didn't remember.
9:59 I mean, I didn't either.
10:00 Starting to though.
10:01 I definitely felt it as a child.
10:03 I felt there had to be more than what I was experiencing my childhood.
10:08 Like many had some wonderful fun moments, but also had many dark and fearful moments, not saying it was my parents' fault at all.
10:17 I have another episode about that, like not saying that at all.
10:20 So please don't take that that way.
10:22 I love my parents very much and they did the best job that they could do.
10:26 But I did experience a lot of trauma as a child that trauma I experienced during my childhood became my operating system for most of the time and most of my life and it actually is still affecting me today.
10:41 I felt so much anger, sadness, fear and was deeply programmed to think.
10:46 I was nothing to think.
10:47 I didn't matter to think I would never be smart enough or good enough.
10:51 You might have those feelings too my whole life.
10:55 I've compared myself to anyone and everyone and everything.
10:59 My mind is such a jerk.
11:03 But it's true.
11:04 It's been tormenting me forever.
11:07 My mind and my heart, day after day get tormented.
11:12 I try to put a smile on my face and do the thing called life by pretending that I'm ok.
11:19 But there has always been that f*cking voice in my head telling me over and over and over that you are not enough, you are not as good as the others.
11:32 So don't even try.
11:34 You don't f*cking matter.
11:35 So just give up quit and it's exhausting.
11:39 I'm just like, that is not the truth.
11:43 Ok, that's bullshit.
11:45 It's just not right for that to keep coming back into my head, into my mind, into where I can hear it.
11:52 I'm like, stop it already.
11:55 Why do I continue to allow the thoughts to have power over me?
11:58 Why do I believe the story that was passed down to me?
12:02 These are questions I often ask, I allow them because I didn't know the truth.
12:07 I didn't know the rules.
12:08 Guess what?
12:09 I'm learning the rules and I'm fighting back.
12:12 I'm fighting my way out of the prison.
12:13 I'm in, I'm learning how to accept all of me and not to think what others might think about me or if I'm good enough or if I'm as successful as others, why does it even matter so much?
12:27 All that matters is that I listen to my heart and my true self.
12:31 I connect to God and then I can tear down the walls that I put up to protect myself from the pain.
12:37 And all I did was keep the pain in.
12:39 You know, I was trying to keep the pain out, but I kept the pain in.
12:43 Isn't that ironic?
12:45 Isn't that ironic, don't you think? When I connect, then I allow the light to take over the dark?
12:51 I know there will be more dark that comes.
12:55 But I also know that I'm connecting to the power within, then the light will always shine brighter.
13:01 The thing is that we have both because we need both to awaken to the truth of who we truly are.
13:07 The wound is the place where light enters you.
13:11 Remi quote, I super love.
13:14 The suffering pushes us to rise up and to be who we came here to be, it pushes us to remember, becoming aware that you can actually break the cycle or curse is key.
13:25 But actually taking the steps to pull yourself out is how you change it all to have it all.
13:30 It's how you override the old program moving in the direction of what ignites your soul and taking the path that feels really, really good is how you and I can drown out the negative thoughts, flood your mind with what you want to see and become constantly.
13:48 Then you will drown out what has been controlling you.
13:52 Tell the voice that speaks the unwanted thoughts that you are the one in control.
13:58 Now you tell the story that is within your heart, you rewrite it all allow the anger or whatever negative feelings to fuel the fire within this helps me to turn the anger and desires of my heart into passion.
14:15 What angers me ignites me.
14:17 My moments, create my momentum.
14:20 I'm in a bottle, I'm in a bottle.
14:22 I'm like I dream of genie.
14:25 That'd be kind of cool.
14:26 She was so cute.
14:28 Anyway, I'm in a battle with the one who tries to control me but I will f*cking win this battle.
14:35 I am breaking free and I know I will be OK in the end, no matter what this too shall pass, you will find your way just like I am because we ask, we show or see right?
14:47 Ask, ask baby.
14:49 So we're gonna take our power back by connecting to God.
14:53 We're gonna visualize, we're gonna have discipline.
14:56 We're gonna meditate, we're gonna create what's in our heart, in our reality, not what's in our mind unless it's your good thoughts, not those negative thoughts, we're taking our power back and we're gonna get rid of those thoughts and we're gonna tell them we're done with you.
15:14 OK?
15:15 So, audios get out of here, take your power back and let's get this reality created together by going within healing that inner child and taking our power back.
15:30 Thank you so much for tuning in with me today.
15:32 I hope that this message helped you and I will continue to talk more about compassion and communication, all kinds of good stuff coming up on this next season.
15:42 Thank you so much and I'll see you next time.
15:45 Thank you for joining me today on You Are the Magic Pill.
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